


All I Have Is Your Fire

by ventandvent



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Carmilla AU, Episode 36, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 08:31:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3202562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ventandvent/pseuds/ventandvent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla AU, or the one time Laura doesn't kiss Carmilla & the one time she does. Post episode 36 with an alternate ending where Laura gets emotionally confused and rejects Carmilla the first time she goes to kiss her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Have Is Your Fire

“You were dead, and-and now you’re not… And I know that you’re probably going through-through a lot of stuff with your mom, it’s just that…” Laura stopped speaking as Carmilla stood and stared intently into her eyes.

Laura shook just a tiny bit as she realised Carmilla was going to kiss her, but something was wrong.

Laura had waited for this, she had dreamed of this for so long in her mourning that she couldn’t fathom her body’s response to the situation, but she didn’t know what to do.

She knew she wanted to kiss Carmilla, to caress her, to hold her, to let her know how much she had missed her, but there was something holding her back. And in that moment as Carmilla leaned forward and looked in her eyes for permission to kiss her, Laura began to pull away.

She didn’t know why she was reacting this way, because she wanted nothing more than to kiss her moody, crazy, loving vampire, but the weeks of tired waking nights and tear stained shirts and bloodshot eyes had left a mark on Laura, even though the very reason she was safe was because of Carmilla.

Laura pulled away from Carmilla and took a step back, her eyes widening as she tried to take stock of the situation.

“I-I can’t do this,” Laura stumbled over her words, still looking at the ground and taking another step backwards before bumping into Carmilla’s old bed.

Carmilla sat down on Laura’s bed and stared at the ground, silently twisting her fingers into a knot as she clenched her hands together.

Laura looked up and saw Carmilla’s defeated and tired demeanour, and began clutching her fists into little balls, her nervousness taking over as she began to regret the entire situation. 

“Carm-” Laura began.

“No, it’s fine,” Carmilla sighed, interrupting her. “I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you, I’m-I’m sorry Laura,” she mumbled, cautiously and in an exhausted tone. 

“I don’t know what I was thinking, I just, I don’t know, after I came back I just thought things would be different and I’m sorry, I just,” Carmilla began to rush her sentences, a stream of consciousness leaving her mouth and entering the awkward room. She stopped, resting her mouth, and looked up at Laura.

Laura stared at her, not knowing how to respond. She regretted pulling back from Carmilla, she regretted not knowing how to express her feelings. 

Carmilla waited for Laura to say something, anything, and realised all too soon that Laura wasn’t going to say anything. 

“I need to have a shower and then sleep. I’m so goddamn tired, you know what, I’m gonna do that right now, okay?” Carmilla stood up, not bothering to look at Laura as the tension between the two of them grew.

“No Carmilla just-” Laura began,

“Not now Laura,” Carmilla interrupted, before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

The sound of the shower turning on filled the empty space, and Laura slumped against Carmilla’s bed and groaned.

* * *

**3 Days Later**

The door slammed shut as Carmilla left the room again, after only staying for fifteen minutes to shower and change before heading out. Laura watched the door close, and listened to Carmilla’s retreating footsteps.

In the past few days that Carmilla had been back from ‘hell’, she had only been in their shared room all of three hours out of the approximate seventy-two, and Laura hadn’t managed to hardly mutter a word to her since the ‘incident’.

Betty had left, finally gone to Princeton, so Laura spent most of her time alone, sleeping or eating or using her computer; although she wasn’t filming anymore, she had stopped after Carmilla had come back.

Perry and Lafontaine had been checking on her every few hours, pestering her with questions about Carmilla and about what was happening, and why hadn’t they been speaking and so on.

Danny had come by as well, just to check up on her, but Laura didn’t want to speak to anyone; except maybe Carmilla.

But the further and further she let their standoff continue, she knew that any remaining chance of a confrontation was dwindling.

Laura lied down on her bed, resting her head on her yellow pillow, but by now any smell of Carmilla that was once there had long disappeared. As the afternoon sunlight streamed through the window, Laura’s tired and anxious mind began to filter out her worries and she gave herself in to her exhaustion. She closed her eyes, and almost instantly fell asleep.

* * *

**The Next Morning**

Laura woke up to noises in the fridge, and she opened her eyes to see Carmilla deftly lifting up her “soy milk” cartoon and downing the rest of the blood inside. She chucked the empty container into the bin as she kicked the fridge door closed, and dragged a pair of boots over to her bed and sat down to put them on.

Carmilla realised someone was watching her and her head shot up to see Laura’s blinking eyes adjusting to the light and watch Carmilla tie her laces.

 Laura looked away as soon as she noticed Carmilla watching her, and pulled the blankets over her head. The peaceful room had become tightly tension bound in a matter of seconds, and Laura racked her brain to come up with something to say to fix the situation. She wanted to kiss Carmilla still, but she didn’t know how to tell her, and her little mind was going insane trying to find the words without babbling her mouth off.

She could still hear Carmilla stiffly moving about their small dorm room under her blankets, and knew it was only a matter of time before she left again.

She gathered up her courage and threw the blankets off her head and sat up, just in time to see Carmilla opening the door about to exit the room.

“Carmilla,” she called, wincing at how loud she sounded in the dead silent room. Carmilla stopped and turned around slowly, her eyes hopeful but questioning, looking back over her shoulder towards Laura.

She swallowed,

“Yes?” Carmilla asked.

“I just- oh- never mind,” Laura mumbled, quietly shrinking back into her cocoon. Carmilla watched Laura recline away from her as she abruptly stopped speaking, and she physically deflated as the room fell silent once again.

Suddenly, her face darkened, and she slammed the door shut, angrily storming down the dorm hallway.

Laura felt like shit, mentally berating herself for her lack of action and confidence.

“You idiot,” she muttered to herself, knocking her head back against the wall softly, tears welling up in her eyes as she shook herself angrily and despondently.

“You absolute fucking idiot,” she continued rebuking herself, crying into her yellow pillow.

* * *

**One Hour Later**

After crying in her own bed for an hour, but what felt like longer, Laura crawled over to Carmilla’s bed and snuggled into her bed sheets, absorbing her smell. As she pulled the duvet over her, something was shifted off the edge of the bed and tipped on the ground. Laura sat up and leaned over to see what had fallen, and was stunned to see her batwing bracelet that she thought she had lost lying in Carmilla’s bed.

 Laura bent down and picked it up, feeling confusion rush over her.

_Wasn’t the batwing bracelet a warding off device against vampires? And didn’t I lose this ages ago? Was Carmilla sleeping with this in her bed? How is that even possible?_

A wave of thoughts flooded through Laura’s mind, all crushing her brain as she tried to figure it all out.

Suddenly, the door opened and Carmilla walked in on Laura in her bed cradling the bat wing bracelet and stopped in her tracks.

Laura nearly jumped in surprise and a small yelp left her mouth.

“Laura what-” Carmilla began before Laura frantically cut her off.

“No Carm, stop, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what was wrong with me the other day, I was just so tired and crazed but incredulous and so much had happened and I just let everything down and I’m so sorry,” Laura gasped for air after speaking for so long and Carmilla began to look sheepishly at the ground, confusion spreading across her face.

Laura continued,

“I’m just so sorry! I missed you so much and now you’re here and I’m sorry I was sleeping in your bed and I found your bat wing bracelet and oh my gosh I’m just so confused and angry but I’m sorry, Carmilla,” Laura looked up at her and their eyes met.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you after you pretty much saved everyone and everything, I just had to re-adjust to life with you after I had adjusted to life without you, and I was just so confused, I’m sorry Carmilla,” Laura finished, and sat; waiting for her response.

“Laura, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s not your fault,” Carmilla began, slowly walking towards her, biting her lip shyly.“I shouldn’t have done it in the first place,” she grimaced.

Laura stood up, “No you don’t understand, I wanted to kiss you, scratch that, I want to kiss you, now!” Laura exclaimed. Carmilla looked up, a smile spreading across her face slowly as her surprise filled eyes gleamed.

“You did?” Carmilla tentatively asked, chewing on her lip again.

Laura considered answering, but decided that she had had enough of waiting and being unsure. She stepped forward and pulled Carmilla forward, stepping up on her toes and kissed her lightly on the mouth. She pulled back slightly, and looked into Carmilla’s eyes, before smiling as she went in a second time and they kissed again.

They pulled out of it and Carmilla’s smile had spread across her whole face.

“Oh, cupcake, I’ve missed you,” she whispered, before their lips met again, and Laura felt her tongue penetrating her mouth. They continued to kiss before breaking for air, and this time Carmilla lead the kiss, as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Laura and kissed her again.

They broke the kiss, staring at each other, before they both giggled slightly.

“So, you’re a giant black cat, huh?”

**Author's Note:**

> All fics on this page are posted from my Tumblr: (hollsteinie.tumblr.com)


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